Thursday, September 22, 2011

Life is Hard

This week has been hard... Hard actually doesn't begin to describe the week..
I am not writing this to complain but to get thoughts out..
I have had so many thoughts and they only seem to make sense if I write them down

After what I thought was good.. Skyler and I broke up...
It was hard because I knew I was going to marry him..
There was not one part of my life that I couldn't see him in..

I am not sure about things now..
I know that he has been through hell the past year and has dealt with some incredibly hard things in his life.
I wish though that he could see who he is now, not who he was
He is incredible.. I wish I could tell him that..

I got a blessing Tuesday night..
These are the things that I know now
I know that my Savior is very aware of me and Skyler...
The Lord know that whatever happens will be best for both of us no matter what it is.
That Skyler DOES need time alone to figure things out..
He need to adjust to being home without trying to figure out a relationship and if I am even what he wants.
Skyler needs to realize that his past is exactly that and that I have never had one bad thought about him and I never will I know I don't know everything but I know who he is now and he needs to realize that he is a great guy..
I know it will take time for him to get back to normal life not just the week he has been home but time..

I am don't know what the future holds
I don't know if I will end up with Skyler..
I am not counting on it but I will be honest something in me keeps telling me its not over yet..
That might mean we are friends... It might mean we never talk again...
It might mean that in a few months we can try things again..
I honestly don't know

But I know I need to move on with life now
I need to do the things I am supposed to do
I need to date other people as much as a don't want too..

I don't doubt the promptings I have received regarding Skyler..
I don't doubt the things I was taught meeting with President Hansen and through the blessing I received..
I know that agency sucks sometimes and that things change....
I don't know what the future holds
But I do know that I will be ok no matter the outcome..
I know that Skyler will be ok

I pray that he can figure out the things he needs to for his happiness.
That no matter what we can be friends..

Maybe I do just need to move on and forget about him and what we had..
I don't know..
I know the questions and confusion I have will be answered in time and that things will end up how they are supposed to be..
I just am working on having the faith to move forward..

I can do hard things...
I will be here for Skyler as a friend when he needs it..
I am willing to date others and to open my heart to new relationships..
I am not closing the door to Skyler...
I am moving on with my life..
I am happy
I know its ok to miss him, he was my best friend...
I am willing to accept the Lord's will for me no matter what it is
I will be patient in all trails and learn what I can from them
I will forgive and forget the hurt I feel..
I will not lose hope or doubt things

I don't really know if I made sense at all but I felt better after writing it...
I don't know who will read this or what your opinions are
I don't know if you are with it or not but it is how I feel
It is what I think..
I still love Skyler and I do hope we can be friends..
Whatever else happens will only come out it time..
I can honestly say I know that I will be happy and will have a happy life no matter what happens..